i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
