So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
two words...techno handjob
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
