she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
