I got chris browned last night
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
