This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
