So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize