yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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