So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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