Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
