Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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