your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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