did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
