I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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