No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i think i just lost a toe
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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