I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
