Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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