Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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