My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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