Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
