Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
