why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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