She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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