this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
