I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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