She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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