Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My hand turned me down
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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