I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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