Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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