omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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