i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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