Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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