We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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