these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
