why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
