I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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