Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I had to cum in my sink.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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