shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
no you cant smoke seaweed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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