I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
