I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
