She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
