if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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