Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
