After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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