stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
be right there i have to get my cape
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
