capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
