I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
