I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
