Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
