a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
