At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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