Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize