P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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