Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
