Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
