if you like me you must not know who I am
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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