Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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