oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Say something about gay babies.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
