Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
