youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My cat gives me a boner
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
