some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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