im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
