So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
