i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
