she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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