that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
