After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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