Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
