she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
