wakey wakey hands off snakey
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
