I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
