I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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