Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
