Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
