In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
