cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
