dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
