You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
