Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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