I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
