then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
