I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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