A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
