i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
