I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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