it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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